Jesus. Pick a season. Fuck!

I have basically no money right now. Like, seriously…I’m super poor. I make plenty of money, but until Little Maggie Mae starts making some money she can’t really afford to chip in for bills, so I’m just kind of paying for everything.

So to save money, I cooked for us—for like, a week. Then I realized that I’m 22 and don’t want to have to cook every night until I have a passel of brats to fatten up…so I set about finding the perfect inexpensive pre-prepared meal.

Aside: Trader Joe’s has some delicious shit that you just have to heat up for 15 minutes in the oven, but that feels suspiciously like cooking, you know? I was looking for something that required absolutely no effort on my part.

Guess what the perfect food is. No, really—guess. GIve up? You'll never guess it. The perfect food is a McDonald’s Happy Meal with Apple Dippers (yum!) and milk. Plain cheeseburger for me, McNuggets for Maggie Mae.

So it’s last Saturday, Laura and I buy our Happiest of Little Meals and head out to run errands.

By the way, the adorable toys McDonald’s is giving out right now are these hilarious little creatures that play music. And by “hilarious” I mean “fucking annoying”. Particularly when my little sister gets her hands on them. I spend a lot of the time in the car gritting my teeth.

So we’re mid-errand when we get a call from our (my) friends Andrea and Lucie. These are two of my favorite girls, like, ever. I adore them. So they’re about to go to IHOP to eat and want to know if we would like to join them. We’re stuffed to the fucking brim with Everything that is Wrong With America but want to see the girls, so we agree to go to the blue shack with them.

We had tons of fun. They have dubbed Maggie “The Angry Cupcake” because she is either sweet, bubbly, and hilarious or the most dreadful, irate swamp creature you’ve ever met. And she can switch between the two in a second. It’s charming, really.

So we’ve been sitting at the table for about ten minutes when Andrea gets a phone call. She talks for about 10 minutes, then covers the mouthpiece and says, “My cousin’s psychic! Isn’t that great? It runs in my family.”

I L.O.V.E. my friends. This was one of the most perfect moments of my life. Seriously. I mean, who says shit like that?

So Maggie, Lucie, and I chat for a while, Andrea gets off the phone, and we pay the bill and leave.

As we’re driving out of the paring lot, Lucie comments on the unseasonably 75 degree weather. Andrea’s response? “I know. Jesus. Pick a season. Fuck!”