Laura and I are Retarded

No, seriously.
We went to Target last night to get a blender and some Pyrex because mine were inexplicably missing (this is pretty common right now because Nathan just kind of took whatever he wanted, and I can't remember what I should have (if I'd just actually look hard enough), what is still in storage in Kentucky, and yadda yadda yadda)

Then we went to the grocery store to get everything we needed so I could prep for the meal tonight (I'm having people over for enchiladas, margaritas, and apple pie).

All good so far.

1) We got home, actually looked at the counter, which we'd each cleaned twice this week, and saw the blender right there in the corner. Let me repeat that: the blender was ON THE COUNTER. How is that even possible? For like, a month now I've been convinced that I don't have a blender. How could I completely overlook it like that? We wrote our shopping list, which included the blender, in the kitchen. And in order for both of us to fit in my matchbox-sized kitchen, one of us was probably wedged in NEXT TO it.

Side note: I told Mike about this, and this was his response:

I have a theory about your blender situation. (And I like that you have a "blender situation.") Anyway, I think aliens hide our shit and then put it back a few minutes later just to fuck with us. I've searched for things a million times (figuratively of course) only to have them turn up right under my nose (again figuratively) seconds (literally) later.

2) The grocery store accidentally forgot to give us our eggs. And pie pans. And ketchup (good riddance). And we didn't notice until we'd already gotten home. If you have even the most basic knowledge of Laura and me, you already know that we were much, much, much too lazy to actually get back in the car and right this gross iniquity…especially since the new episode of The Daily Show was just beginning.

3) We somehow managed to buy chicken thighs instead of breasts.

Laura went to the store today to sort it out, and actually got lost on the way there. Seriously, it is literally impossible to get lost on your way to this store. You have to make 3 turns to get there. It's a mile away. A blind man without a puppy could find his way there. Apparently she just drove back and forth looking for it. She called me on her way there, and the conversation went a little something like this:
L: So…wait…where is the store?
K: Are you lost again?
L: I…do I have to drive over Glendale?
K: Yes.
L: OK, good. What about Alvarado?
K: No. Just cross Glendale and you can't miss it.
L: ...
K: It takes up the entire left-hand side of the street.
L: …
K: Are you lost?
L: Left? It's on the left? Oh, that explains it! I've been trying to find it for like, half an hour, but I thought it was on the right!
K: No, that's impossible. You must be on the wrong street. The grocery store is impossible to miss. Are.You.Lost?
L: Nope, that's it. I was looking at the right-hand side.
K: Really? I mean...Really?
L: …
K: …
L: Oap! There it is! Thanks, K!

The good news? She got it all taken care of, and is about to boil the chicken for me.

..If she can find her way home.

[X-posted from myspace yesterday]